Blake Lively’s approach during the press tour for It Ends With Us sparked controversy, particularly regarding her comments aimed at domestic abuse and trauma survivors. This reaction underscores a critical element of domestic violence that is frequently overlooked.
In It Ends With Us, Lively plays Lily Bloom, whose seemingly perfect relationship with Ryle (Justin Baldoni) devolves into abuse. At the film’s premiere, when asked what message she would offer to real-life survivors who might see their experiences reflected in the movie, Lively responded, “I think that you’re so much—and not to minimize it—but you are so much more than just a survivor or just a victim.”
“While that is a huge thing, you are a person of multitudes, and what someone has done to you doesn’t define you. You define you.” She also noted that It Ends With Us “is a story that covers domestic violence but it’s not about domestic violence.”
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However, this response, like many conversations surrounding domestic violence, overlooks a significant aspect: the deep sense of shame that victims often feel. While Lively deserves credit for her nuanced portrayal of abuse in the film, her remarks lacked the same level of sensitivity. Although unintentional, her language risks reinforcing negative connotations associated with being a victim.
By stating that someone is “more than just a survivor” or “more than just a victim,” it can imply that identifying as a victim is inherently negative or something to overcome. This perspective can perpetuate the stigma around victimhood, which is frequently linked to weakness. Even if unintentional, such phrasing can inadvertently reinforce these harmful stereotypes.
For many survivors, recognizing their victimhood is a crucial step in overcoming the shame tied to abuse. Accepting this label can help them identify the true perpetrator of their trauma and reclaim their sense of control and agency.
Lively’s assertion that the film “covers” but is not “about” domestic violence mirrors how Lily Bloom may downplay the abuse in her relationship. This distancing language can leave survivors feeling that their experiences are not fully validated.
Survivors typically seek acknowledgment of their pain before worrying about being perceived as victims. When discussions start with an emphasis on being “more than just victims,” it can seem like the core of their experience is being overlooked.
It’s vital to approach conversations about domestic violence with the seriousness and sensitivity they warrant. Ideally, Lively’s message should validate and recognize the experiences of victims, affirming that she sees and understands their struggles.
